Winning Back Your Ex Lover

Rekindle the Love

Rekindle may not be the best of words since love doesn't disappear. It just gets pushed to the back burner as other problems become the focus of your lives. However, the most valuable lesson you can learn is that if you give love with no obligation and without expecting anything in return it will be returned to you tenfold. 

While communication does form an important part of putting your problems behind you and working on solutions for the future, it’s also vitally important to learn what each other needs in order to feel loved by you.

This could be something as simple as learning to listen when one of you wants to talk, or spending time together laughing at silly movies, or it could be always remembering to hug each other before leaving. It makes no difference how big or how small the gesture, everyone has something they would appreciate you did for them to show them you care.

If you and your ex have only just started seeing each other once again, be sure to take things slowly. Don’t arrange to see each other every single day, but try for perhaps a couple of times a week. This gives you both a chance to miss each other during the days when you don’t speak, but it also creates a sense of anticipation for the next date.

Plan fun dates together that highlight the enjoyment you get out of each other’s company. These don’t have to be expensive outings. You might decide to stay in and watch a fun movie, or take a walk along the beach, or meet up with friends. Do whatever feels fun and natural so you both begin to remember the good times more often than the bad.

Make sure you keep the deep and meaningful stuff to a minimum at this point. After all, you want to build a long term relationship based on mutual love, trust and respect here, but it’s also important to remind each other of how much you enjoy each other’s company.

The difficulty with this phase of getting your ex back is the temptation to call them all the time to check who else they’re with or what they’re doing when they’re not with you. Men and women can often find this kind of constant calling and jealous questioning to be a sign of desperation or mistrust. These signs can often make your ex believe it’s just too difficult to pursue you any longer and back away again.

Learn to trust that your ex is still easing slowly back into the relationship, so be sure to extend a little faith that you’re the person your ex really wants to be with and allow each other a bit of space between dates.

As time passes, your ex should realize that you really are the person of his or her dreams. You’ll notice contact becoming more regular and dates becoming more frequent. When you notice this happening, you’ll know your ex is back.

Creating a Lasting Relationship

So you have succeeded to win them back and are in a relationship with the person you love again. You need to focus on the importance of creating lasting change and not a temporary solution. This means that you will have to uncover what truly drives your partner, their fears, pain as well as pleasure. 

Humans do everything they do to protect themselves from pain or to gain pleasure. Usually, the avoidance of pain is more powerful than gaining pleasure so people will run away and do everything in their power to avoid pain. 

Now, if you are back together again that means you have succeeded in rebuilding their trust in you and they believe that you will deliver. So whatever you do, don't fall back into your old patterns or you will undo all of your work in moments. No matter your fears or insecurities, you have to set them aside and stop expecting the worst as this will ultimately come through and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even when things are great people still have the tendency to try and protect themselves from pain because they believe it's too good to last. When you start thinking like that you begin to pull away and creating walls to protect yourself even though nothing has happened. 

Society seems to thrive on pain and we have been conditioned to believe those good things don't last. But the only reason they don't last is that we don't allow them to by allowing our fears to take control of us and eventually sabotaging ourselves.

Another reason relationships end is because we allow ourselves to start taking things for granted after a while as we get caught up in other aspects of our lives and we no longer do all those little things that used to make the relationship wonderful. A relationship is just like a flower that needs to be nurtured and cared for to thrive and but we allow ourselves to forget how wonderful we felt when we were giving the relationship everything we have.

The way you can avoid this is by maintaining awareness and focusing on giving to your partner rather than receiving. Don't allow yourself to lapse into that state of familiarity where you no longer take care of yourself or do those small things that bring a smile to your significant other's face. 

Remember that feeling of joy you get when you see them smile and see the happiness on your face as that will help keep your focus. Your partner will automatically respond to your actions so that you will both avoid the traps of familiarity. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt, which is definitely something you want to avoid.

Variety is the spice of life and small things can have such a big impact on a relationship that your love and passion can last a lifetime. Just because you have been together for years does not mean you shouldn't bring her flowers or you shouldn't wait for him in your sexy under-things. 

You need to remember what you did at the beginning of the relationship that made it wonderful and what you did that showed your partner you loved them. 

The key to a lasting relationship is for both of you to understand what the other needs to feel completely loved. You shouldn't just focus on what you need but on what your partner needs as well. Of course, it’s also important not to give yourself over completely to just fulfilling your partner’s needs to the exclusion of your own. 

You need to strike a balance between making sure you’re both getting what you need out of the relationship.

For example, if your partner feels loved only when you tell them you love them but you have just been buying them things then they won't feel your love even though you think you are doing your best. 

On the other hand maybe you need to be held to feel loved but your partner doesn't know this is what you need so they keep telling you how they feel. By identifying each other’s emotional needs and how you can satisfy them you will find that your relationship will weather any storm life may throw at it.

Keeping the Passion Alive

As we have mentioned before, the key to keeping the passion alive is keep doing all those little things that made you happy in the beginning. What many people don't realize is that the “chemical attraction” they think wears off in time is not pure hormones responding, but more about the mental connection we have with a person. 

This should be a concept to make us all happy because this means that the more time we spend in a relationship with someone the greater our connection and therefore the greater the passion.

But, as with anything, you have to work at keeping it alive and not just allow yourself to be taken in by the idea that it is normal for passion to die after a number of years. This is just not true. Passion dies because we begin to take it for granted and think that we don't have to do anything anymore. 

Let's imagine that right now you feel nothing can rekindle the passion. Just close your eyes and visualize a candlelit dinner with your partner, both of you dressed to impress, followed by a nice, long romantic walk on the beach. That scenario definitely tends to inject more passion into a relationship than both of you barely grunting at each other that you are tired and there's so much to do that you don't have time for each other. 

Another common problem is time. You never have time, right? Well, you could probably schedule a romantic evening for the both of you at least once a month, after you have your priorities in order. 

Ask yourself what is more important to you: watching a rerun on television or spending time with the one person who can empower you and who will always be there for you? Try cutting down on television time and you may be surprised how much free time you really do have.

Don't let yourself take things for granted because life with the person you love and who loves you can be amazingly fulfilling and beautiful. But it's only as beautiful as we allow it to be, so commit to changing yourself and your relationship and you will become a better person as you live the life of your dreams. 

In conclusion, if you commit to your relationship then you will find you will completely avoid the pain of a breakup happening again, because the more you give the more you will receive. 

There is no obstacle in life that cannot be overcome together and if you create a lasting relationship in which you empower each other then you will find that nothing can stand in your way. Conquer your fears and insecurities so you can create the truly extraordinary life you deserve, with your partner by your side.

  Top 10 Places To Meet Someone New

Weekend Conferences

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.

-Tony Robbins

Going to a weekend conference will allow you to get to know people over the course of a few days without the pressure of pairing up.  Of course, if you do pair up, magic can happen.

Most weekend conferences are in the personal development sphere.  You know that you will be meeting people who want to make their lives better and their outlook more positive.  Tony Robbins and Marianne Williams both lead popular weekend seminars.

Weekend conferences are best if you're hoping to meet other people, because they offer more chances to socialize than daylong seminars provide. If the conference feels too pricey, contact the organization to and see if there's a way you can work at the event in exchange for free admission.

Another option is to attend a weekend conference put on by a religious denomination.  There are any number of conference centers that put on spiritual weekends, and some are just for singles.  

There are secular weekend conferences as well.  For instance, the Krista Foundation for Global Citizenship sponsors an annual weekend conference for people concerned with and active in international aid programs and policies.  Usually this is held over Memorial Day.

You can also go to professional development conferences on the weekend.  These seminars let you meet other professionals outside of a work setting.  You can choose one specific to your career (human resources, marketing etc.) or one that offers a skill set (public speaking, leadership, etc.)

Finally, you can go to a workshop type conference.  These are most popular in the writing sphere, but you can also find them in acting, music, and fitness.

Get to know a wide range of people on the Friday night mixer.   Then on Saturday, you can focus in on someone who really interests you.  Perhaps by Sunday, you will be ready to exchange phone numbers.

Organized Trips

"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them."

-- Mark Twain

Similar to a weekend workshop is an organized trip.  These can last from a few days to a couple of weeks.  You join a group of single men and women who are interested in the destination and in having fun.  Many of the people on these trips are looking for a fling as well.  But lasting relationships also develop and many of these groups will hold reunions for several years down the road.

Some examples of recently offered single’s trips include:

• Albuquerque Balloon Festival (weekend)

• Machu Picchu and Lake Titicaca (week long)

• Egypt land tour and Nile Cruise (10 days)

• Greek Island Cruise (10 days)

• 4th of July weekend in West Virginia (weekend)

• Costa Rica Eco Adventure (7 days)

There are also organized trips for singles of particular groups.  For instance, Jewish single’s travel is very well organized.

Volunteering

Never before has man had such a great capacity to control his own environment, to end hunger, poverty and disease, to banish illiteracy and human misery. We have the power to make the best generation of mankind in the history of the world.

- John F. Kennedy

Today, volunteering is hipper than ever.  President Barrack Obama has called on the nation to serve much as John F. Kennedy did two generations ago.  

There are volunteer opportunities for every interest.  You can work to protect the environment by cleaning up a beach by the ocean or a local lake.  There, you will meet other people who are interested in saving the planet and providing a clean environment for all to enjoy.  Much of the work will involve physical labor and you will have the chance to interact with like minded people while doing good.  Afterwards, how about a date at a certified green restaurant such as Silvergreen’s in Santa Barbara, CA or Boloco in Boston, MA?

If you care about international development, you can volunteer for a short term overseas assignment with other like minded people.  The Foundation for Sustainable Development located in San Francisco, CA puts together opportunities for 4 or more weeks.  If you meet your soul mate on such a trip, you can always go out on a date at a fair trade coffee house afterward.  

Habitat for Humanity allows you to work on projects closer to home.  A group of people commits to building one or more homes for low income families.  Sweating all day in the sun with power tools inevitably brings people closer together.  Whether you go out as a group afterward or just invite a particular person out, the bond between a group that has built a home from the foundation up is very strong.

If you feel a call to service, your passion for the cause can be a great introduction to someone who feels the same way you do.  When you give back to the community, you will always get something in return.  Perhaps this time, what you get back is a new love.

The Internet

“I turn on my computer. I wait patiently as it connects. I go online. My breath catches in my chest until I hear 3 little words, "You've got mail." I hear nothing, not a sound on the streets of New York. Just the beat of my own heart. I have mail...from you.”

- From the movie “You’ve Got Mail.”

No, I’m not talking about the proliferation of internet dating sites.  (though if you are a woman, the odds aren’t bad on those.  There’s 7 men for every 1 woman registered on most dating sites.)

Instead, I’m talking about the new kinds of social media opportunities that present themselves these days.

For instance, when you get on Facebook or MySpace, you have an opportunity to find other people within your geographic area who share your interests.  When you get actively involved in the community, you’ll start making connections with others – possibly including your next date.

It’s not enough to have a profile.  You need to get engaged.  Comment on other people’s walls.  And, be witty, charming, or otherwise enticing to a member of the opposite sex.

Remember that people who are not currently your friends see your replies to other’s comments, so take action accordingly.  Also, try to make friends with people who have large friend networks.  This will expose you to the greatest number of new people.

Another avenue that the internet can take you in is through the MeetUp.com website.  While it has been around for a while, many people have not even begun to take advantage of it.

In any local area, there are dozens if not hundreds of Meet Up groups.  There may be a handful of members or there may be hundreds.  Meet Up groups regularly get together. It’s a great place to meet new like minded people.

Conclusion

You are no longer restricted to meeting people at the local bar or through blind dates.  When you start to put yourself out there, you can find a new love in a variety of places.

This report attempted to help you think about places to meet people beyond the typical “singles scene.”  For instance, 10 years ago there were very few dog parks.  10 years ago, the internet was in its infancy.  But these things have come of age.  

Take advantage of every opportunity to meet new friends, new dates, and maybe even your new soul mate.

And our final words are from Antoine de Saint-Exupery:

“For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow.”

 How to Cover the Cost of LapBand Surgery

Has your doctor suggested you undergo LapBand surgery?  If so, this is a suggestion you should give serious consideration to.  When a doctor suggests LapBand surgery, he or she is usually doing so to protect your health and wellbeing.  For those severely or morbidly obese, the LapBand system is not only a weight loss surgery but a lifesaving procedure.

As previously stated, take your doctor’s suggestion to undergo LapBand surgery.  However, after a close examination, you may feel as if LapBand is a procedure only for your dreams.  This is mostly due to the costs.  In the United States, the LapBand procedure costs between $15,000 and $20,000.  Since you do not have this cash just lying around, you may wonder what your options are.

So, how can you cover the cost of LapBand surgery?

Insurance.  Some health insurance companies will cover the cost of the LapBand procedure.  You will, however, find many rules and restrictions.  For example, if your doctor is only suggesting surgery, you may be denied coverage.  On the other hand, if your doctor is stating that it is a lifesaving procedure due to morbid obesity, your insurance is more likely to cover the costs..

If your insurance provider will cover the cost of LapBand with specific criteria met, speak to your doctor.  Information can be provided that will show that this weight loss surgery is the most cost effective approach for your care.  For example, if you are 25 years old, the cost of diabetes supplies and checkups can easily exceed the onetime cost of LapBand, making it a wise choice for your insurance provider.

If you opt to pay for the LapBand procedure with cash, check, or debit card, you are considered a cash patient.  This is opposed to a patient with medical insurance.  Inquire about cash discounts.  Many healthcare professionals have small but helpful discounts available.

As previously stated, most Americans do not have $15,000 to $20,000 at their disposal.  This means that you will need a way to come up with the cash if you do not have medical insurance or if coverage is denied.  Do not stress, as it is easier than it sounds.

Save money.  Saving money should be your first step in covering the cost of LapBand surgery.  Even if you are on a budget, it is still possible to save money for surgery.  Start by eliminating unnecessary purchases, such as your morning coffee at the local gas station or dining out.  In fact, a great way to get started is to eliminate sweets from your diet or at least reduce them.  Not only will you save money, but you will notice a natural weight loss.

It may take a year to two years for you to save enough money for the LapBand surgery, but saving money, as opposed to borrowing it, is the safest approach to take.

Borrow money from friends and family.  If you have close friends or family members who are in the position to let you borrow money, ask.  If they know your intention is to lose weight and lead a healthier life, most will be willing to help.  Of course, be sure to discuss repayment.  You will have more flexibility, but be sure to treat a loan from family and friends just like a bank loan.

Bank loan.  Speaking of bank loans, you can request a personal loan.   This is recommended as a last resort, but it is wiser than using a credit card.  Remember, credit cards are ridden with fees, including late fees.  You are likely to find a lower interest rate when acquiring a personal loan.

To acquire a personal loan, have good credit.  Personal loans are unsecured, so your good credit will give your bank comfort.  It is important to sell yourself.  Make it known that your obesity is hindering your ability to stay healthy and work.  By undergoing the LapBand surgery, not only will you lead and happier and healthier life, but you will be able to work without as many health disruptions.  The ability to work signals a borrower who will make timely loan payments.