Winning Back Your Ex Lover

Rekindle the Love

Rekindle may not be the best of words since love doesn't disappear. It just gets pushed to the back burner as other problems become the focus of your lives. However, the most valuable lesson you can learn is that if you give love with no obligation and without expecting anything in return it will be returned to you tenfold. 

While communication does form an important part of putting your problems behind you and working on solutions for the future, it’s also vitally important to learn what each other needs in order to feel loved by you.

This could be something as simple as learning to listen when one of you wants to talk, or spending time together laughing at silly movies, or it could be always remembering to hug each other before leaving. It makes no difference how big or how small the gesture, everyone has something they would appreciate you did for them to show them you care.

If you and your ex have only just started seeing each other once again, be sure to take things slowly. Don’t arrange to see each other every single day, but try for perhaps a couple of times a week. This gives you both a chance to miss each other during the days when you don’t speak, but it also creates a sense of anticipation for the next date.

Plan fun dates together that highlight the enjoyment you get out of each other’s company. These don’t have to be expensive outings. You might decide to stay in and watch a fun movie, or take a walk along the beach, or meet up with friends. Do whatever feels fun and natural so you both begin to remember the good times more often than the bad.

Make sure you keep the deep and meaningful stuff to a minimum at this point. After all, you want to build a long term relationship based on mutual love, trust and respect here, but it’s also important to remind each other of how much you enjoy each other’s company.

The difficulty with this phase of getting your ex back is the temptation to call them all the time to check who else they’re with or what they’re doing when they’re not with you. Men and women can often find this kind of constant calling and jealous questioning to be a sign of desperation or mistrust. These signs can often make your ex believe it’s just too difficult to pursue you any longer and back away again.

Learn to trust that your ex is still easing slowly back into the relationship, so be sure to extend a little faith that you’re the person your ex really wants to be with and allow each other a bit of space between dates.

As time passes, your ex should realize that you really are the person of his or her dreams. You’ll notice contact becoming more regular and dates becoming more frequent. When you notice this happening, you’ll know your ex is back.

Creating a Lasting Relationship

So you have succeeded to win them back and are in a relationship with the person you love again. You need to focus on the importance of creating lasting change and not a temporary solution. This means that you will have to uncover what truly drives your partner, their fears, pain as well as pleasure. 

Humans do everything they do to protect themselves from pain or to gain pleasure. Usually, the avoidance of pain is more powerful than gaining pleasure so people will run away and do everything in their power to avoid pain. 

Now, if you are back together again that means you have succeeded in rebuilding their trust in you and they believe that you will deliver. So whatever you do, don't fall back into your old patterns or you will undo all of your work in moments. No matter your fears or insecurities, you have to set them aside and stop expecting the worst as this will ultimately come through and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even when things are great people still have the tendency to try and protect themselves from pain because they believe it's too good to last. When you start thinking like that you begin to pull away and creating walls to protect yourself even though nothing has happened. 

Society seems to thrive on pain and we have been conditioned to believe those good things don't last. But the only reason they don't last is that we don't allow them to by allowing our fears to take control of us and eventually sabotaging ourselves.

Another reason relationships end is because we allow ourselves to start taking things for granted after a while as we get caught up in other aspects of our lives and we no longer do all those little things that used to make the relationship wonderful. A relationship is just like a flower that needs to be nurtured and cared for to thrive and but we allow ourselves to forget how wonderful we felt when we were giving the relationship everything we have.

The way you can avoid this is by maintaining awareness and focusing on giving to your partner rather than receiving. Don't allow yourself to lapse into that state of familiarity where you no longer take care of yourself or do those small things that bring a smile to your significant other's face. 

Remember that feeling of joy you get when you see them smile and see the happiness on your face as that will help keep your focus. Your partner will automatically respond to your actions so that you will both avoid the traps of familiarity. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt, which is definitely something you want to avoid.

Variety is the spice of life and small things can have such a big impact on a relationship that your love and passion can last a lifetime. Just because you have been together for years does not mean you shouldn't bring her flowers or you shouldn't wait for him in your sexy under-things. 

You need to remember what you did at the beginning of the relationship that made it wonderful and what you did that showed your partner you loved them. 

The key to a lasting relationship is for both of you to understand what the other needs to feel completely loved. You shouldn't just focus on what you need but on what your partner needs as well. Of course, it’s also important not to give yourself over completely to just fulfilling your partner’s needs to the exclusion of your own. 

You need to strike a balance between making sure you’re both getting what you need out of the relationship.

For example, if your partner feels loved only when you tell them you love them but you have just been buying them things then they won't feel your love even though you think you are doing your best. 

On the other hand maybe you need to be held to feel loved but your partner doesn't know this is what you need so they keep telling you how they feel. By identifying each other’s emotional needs and how you can satisfy them you will find that your relationship will weather any storm life may throw at it.

Keeping the Passion Alive

As we have mentioned before, the key to keeping the passion alive is keep doing all those little things that made you happy in the beginning. What many people don't realize is that the “chemical attraction” they think wears off in time is not pure hormones responding, but more about the mental connection we have with a person. 

This should be a concept to make us all happy because this means that the more time we spend in a relationship with someone the greater our connection and therefore the greater the passion.

But, as with anything, you have to work at keeping it alive and not just allow yourself to be taken in by the idea that it is normal for passion to die after a number of years. This is just not true. Passion dies because we begin to take it for granted and think that we don't have to do anything anymore. 

Let's imagine that right now you feel nothing can rekindle the passion. Just close your eyes and visualize a candlelit dinner with your partner, both of you dressed to impress, followed by a nice, long romantic walk on the beach. That scenario definitely tends to inject more passion into a relationship than both of you barely grunting at each other that you are tired and there's so much to do that you don't have time for each other. 

Another common problem is time. You never have time, right? Well, you could probably schedule a romantic evening for the both of you at least once a month, after you have your priorities in order. 

Ask yourself what is more important to you: watching a rerun on television or spending time with the one person who can empower you and who will always be there for you? Try cutting down on television time and you may be surprised how much free time you really do have.

Don't let yourself take things for granted because life with the person you love and who loves you can be amazingly fulfilling and beautiful. But it's only as beautiful as we allow it to be, so commit to changing yourself and your relationship and you will become a better person as you live the life of your dreams. 

In conclusion, if you commit to your relationship then you will find you will completely avoid the pain of a breakup happening again, because the more you give the more you will receive. 

There is no obstacle in life that cannot be overcome together and if you create a lasting relationship in which you empower each other then you will find that nothing can stand in your way. Conquer your fears and insecurities so you can create the truly extraordinary life you deserve, with your partner by your side.